Pros and Cons of marrying a Chinese Woman, my personal experience
“By no means marry a Chinese lady. They’re steel rods swathed in flowers”, said effectively recognized Australian born Hong Kong Journalist Richard Hughes, who was happily married for many years, until death did them part, to a Chinese wife.
Perhaps no truer words had been ever spoken, at least about some Chinese ladies. In fact, as far as i can see, Chinese ladies seem to come into two simple varieties. Either they are really strong willed or incredibly docile. Because I’ve by no means had any wish for a docile lady, I am discussing right here that other kind, “the steel rod swathed in flowers”. This woman will care for you, cook for you, keep a excellent residence for you and shower you with love and affection, and she will smote your enemies with the strength of God so prolonged as you don’t cheat her. But when you cross her, you right away turn out to be your own worst enemy, and brother, then she will toture you.
The large difficulty is that you don’t necessarily know what will be witnessed as having crossed her. In your innocent Western thinking, you naively think that your polite behaviour will make her happy. But well surprise!!!
You cross your Chinese Lady when you cause her to be disgraced, and there are roughly a million ways to cause her to lose face, every single one of which you must find out by trial and error. I have discovered a number of, but it does little excellent for me to list them for you, simply because “a tiny information is a bad thing”.But I will give you an instance of how I caused my Chinese wife (as she then was) to pull a long face.
We owned a little bar in China at the time which we took turns managing, and which we kept open as long as there was a paying buyer to serve. One particular night she went house at 1 AM but I hung in there with some buddies of mine (simply because they had been spending a great deal of funds) until about four AM, then headed house when they did. We had each done this many times in the past, and she knew exactly where I was and who I was with, so I felt very secure as I quietly unlocked the door to our property and tiptoed in to avoid waking her.
Properly, it turned out that, unbeknownst to me, she and a pal had been talking earlier in the evening, and the buddy had indicated that her husband by no means stayed out past 1 AM, and the pal was extremely proud of that. So on that particular evening, I triggered my wife to be unhappy by not coming property with her at 1 AM. I had triggered her fantastic shame in the eyes of her buddy (how the buddy knew I had stayed out late was by no means explained) and this was no modest loss of face, if you can judge by the near bloodletting I suffered for my crime. And yet, the next time I stayed out late, in the exact same circumstances except for the intervening friend, all was well.
The great news is that not like Western Girls, who will make you pay for days (or years) for your crimes, Chinese ladies have a tendency to let you off as soon as you’ve appropriately groveled (this need to take spot in your residence, which is actually her domain, not yours) for an hour or two, and you’ve told her your sorry, and lastly, you’ve bought her a gift (do not forget about the ever important relationship saving gift). But if you want to get off without dismemberment, do not act as if you do not recognize what you did wrong (even although you inevitably do not understand). Suck it up, admit your guilt, and promise never ever to do it once more, even if you have no notion of what specifically it is that you will not do once more, and life will be back to normal quickly.
And the genuinely good news is that this “steel rod swathed in flowers”, when you haven’t just brought on her to lose face, is like your very own private bodyguard. Your tiny Chinese lady will be the greatest ally you could ever hope for. She will kill for you at the slightest provocation to your face, unless of course her mother is the source of the threat to your dignity, in which situation you possibly just committed another unfathomable “face” crime oneself.
There, have you got it all figured out? No? Don’t worry, Chinese girls can be as frustrating as trying to figure the stock market, but it’s their really unpredictability that is a single of their greatest charms. I wouldn’t devote the rest of my life with anybody else.